Holding Space – Part 2
Well, I practiced (or tried to anyway) holding space for Terrie last night, and unfortunately I failed quite miserably. (NOTE: In her kindness, Terrie takes exception to me using the word “failed”, but I think it is calling a spade a spade and is therefore constructive, if not just plain honest.)
Terrie and I have agreed that we will share the ‘miniscule truth’ with each other, regardless of the subject and in spite of any fears we might have about the other person’s reaction. In this case, Terrie informed me that she (and a group of other people) had just received confirmation regarding an upcoming lunch with a man she had previously been attracted to.
I found myself completely unable to prevent my thoughts from obsessing on what might have happened (years ago, mind you) between Terrie and this man. As a result, I withdrew from Terrie emotionally and eventually shut her out. I was simply unable to hold space in this situation, and instead let my fantasies carry me away to a dark place, causing me to disconnect.
I wasn’t able to take responsibility for my reaction until the this morning. Instead, I claimed that Terrie had used poor timing in her disclosure by informing me of the lunch appointment with this ‘other man’ just before we got in bed for the night. To put it bluntly, this was pure BULL SHIT. She is free to choose when she tells me something like this, but our agreement is the sooner the better. If I am able to hold space as we have committed to doing for each other, then Terrie does not need to worry about when to tell me–and she shouldn’t have to.
