Holding Space – Part I
Terrie and I have found the act of ‘holding space’ to be absolutely essential to intimate communication and to building trust in each other. We didn’t invent the term, and I’m not sure where we picked it up. I wouldn’t be surprised if it came from the Hendricks teachings on conscious loving (see www.Hendricks.com).
I am holding space for Terrie when I allow her to say whatever she wants or needs to say at the moment, without judging or reacting to it. In order to hold space I must be very present and listening actively. I might also express my presence physically, for example by holding hands, hugging or just maintaining eye contact.
For me, holding space involves active use of don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements, especially the agreements not to take things personally and not to make assumptions. If something Terrie says triggers a reaction within me, I must not let that reaction interfere with my compassionate listening, and I must resist the urge to become defensive. Rather than making an assumption about something Terrie says, I try to ask her questions instead, to make sure I have truly heard what she is trying to express.
