Expectations, anyone?
Expectations are something in my relationships I prefer to not have. I believe expectations lead to disappointment, and that is definitely something I don’t want to get in the way of intimacy. They are part of this human experience though. We all have them. It’s whether or not we are aware of them and whether or not we communicate them, as to how expectations will show up in our relationships.
After being sick over the holidays…and that not going the way I wanted it to [insert expectations here]…I discovered I had an expectation of how I wanted New Year’s Eve to be since I was feeling somewhat better. It wasn’t conscious at first, but it was there alright in the undercurrent of my emotions. I was quiet most of the day, contemplative. What I didn’t realize was that I had set my beloved partner and myself up for disappointment.
It played out in my head how I wanted the night to go. I wanted to connect with him and share our first new year’s together as “something special to remember”. I wanted to feel open, feel our hearts as one. Yet, because I had this expectation lurking underground, I was already shut down to my heart. My heart expected to be disappointed because my head told it so.
It could have been a disaster, but as it turned out, Jeff questioned me. Through that process I realized I had expectations of how I wanted our connecting and our night together to be. When it didn’t go that way, I felt let down and saddened. There was an instant wall between us. As we talked honestly and I let it go, it became magical. Both our hearts opened and the energy was flowing…our hearts felt as one.
Not only did we transmute a situation that could have escalated into an argument and ruined the entire evening, we transcended it. We were able to go above ourselves and observe what was going on underneath, sharing genuinely. We were able to accept the humanness of the moment and move into the divinity that presented itself, which led to ringing in the New Year in ways I hadn’t even imagined…or expected.
How have you let expectations get in the way of intimacy and possibly ruining what could have been a beautiful time together? Do you communicate your expectations so your partner knows what is important to you? Or do you suffer silently when your expectations aren’t met and build a case against intimacy?
